I felt anxiety and fear unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I started to
question my own reality; the way objects look began to seem extremely
disturbing, people started to look disturbingly alien (as if it was the
first time I had ever laid eyes on a human being), I felt as if I was
realizing something humans aren’t supposed to realize. I was beginning
to see things working behind the scenes, and it was frightening as hell.
It’s kind of like that splinter in your mind that reality isn’t what
you’ve always thought it to be, and now that you know the truth, it will
haunt you forever. I have trouble even relating to my memories, my
past, my identity, who I thought I was and who I wanted to be. For the
first time in my life, I felt afraid. Of what, I have no idea. But it’s
this feeling, its deep within me. I think I might have to stop my mind
from transcending, for good if I ever want to feel normal again. Its
de-personalization and de-realization to a degree that really frightens
me, I’ve never felt so alien, I never knew anyone could feel so alien
and alone. But now I’m scared of something I can’t even put into words,
and I’ve broken down a couple times trying to explain it to people.But I can't. There is no words to describe it or maybe I haven't yet learnt the language yet.
I am climbing out the well of delusional reality and into the sunlight. I might either find myself or become Batman.
Just one thing to share...I feel this way many times in a day :)
ReplyDeleteA feeling not really alien to many. I myself have felt this way many a time. But these very moments make you stronger. :)
ReplyDeleteBtw, we wouldn't mind a creative Batman... so a good thought to cling to. :D :P