Journey

It once happened that I was standing in the middle of a bridge that led to nowhere known to mankind. The origin of the journey was so radical and surprising that it didn’t even leave me time to pack necessities along. By necessities I mean important requirements during a journey, which involves stuff like, emotional stings, reasons to cry, thoughts of differences with the ones you never thought you could have any. And although I was standing half-way through that journey, I didn’t even feel the need for any of these.
The initial steps were tough, if I be honest enough to confess. I had load which I had to shed, and shedding off that load was not less than being stripped in freezing conditions. Because, believe it or not, these not so happy memories leave us wrapped in a cocoon and at the end of it all we start enjoying the warmth we draw out of them. No matter how indifferent I try to behave I miss them somewhere or the other.
Complications have a specialty, the be-friend the human race very quickly. And much sooner than you know, become a prominent part of your entire persona. I sleep every night with a silent prayer, and a firm promise to me that I shall wake up a simple person. With a promise to make sure, that I would make the next day as simple as it could be. But I end up lodging these complications right where they deserve to be, in my heart and in my head.
So as I tread my way to the unknown land, while standing on that unknown bridge, in the middle of nowhere I gaze into blank open space and wonder why I wanted to shed off the emotions of stress, confusion, dilemma, rage, etc. etc. in the first place, they have been a part of my life forever. I mean I can still recall the first time I was called a cheater by my not so sweet girlfriend. Or, my first break-up. Or, the first time I sat alone in a class full of forty students. Or, the first time I realized how complicated love is. And yet I want to lose it all. The question was still unanswered, when I recollected the origin of such a journey.
“When you are about to let go off of someone who you dearly love, there’s a conflict in your head, a fierce battle. Where you fight the best of you, and the worst of you, at the same time. And in this battle, the only loser is you. It’s you who gets crushed between the two.”
I was crushed. I needed life again, so I set off. Wandering aimlessly, thinking about nothing, wanting to be left alone.
They sometimes make me smile. The complications I mean. They can be such a relief sometimes; life would have been so boring otherwise. Just knowing the fact that they are around makes you certain that you have a normal human life, and one hell of a life, full of events and disasters, if I may say. So once u are convinced that these not so happy yet vital parts will remain with you through your good and bad, un conditionally, you tend to develop a strange liking towards them. And such a liking is a sadistically paranoid love, but provides you with a lot of comfort and peace in its own way.
I never wanted to be a sadist or a paranoid, so I sat down to write down my well organized planned and peaceful life. A written life. With no complications, no rash words, no discomforts. Gave my best to it. And when I knew I couldn’t carry on, I decided to stick to my same old unwritten life. The one which I thought would give me immense pleasure. The joy of surprises. The element of anxiety.
I failed drastically, and realized, “there’s no such thing as an unwritten life, there’s only a badly written one”.
So as I continue with my badly written life on my journey to the unknown land, I have a lot of realizations, a lot of unfulfilled dreams, dreams not accounted for, dreams that have been destined to be just dreams, and fade away with the sands of time.
Complications, however, will always remain a part of my badly written life, and I hold them near. But not on this journey, I’d call it a sabbatical rather. This bridge is not the destination, it is neither where I want to be standing right now, it is but a bridge, and I shall pass it without the necessities, for sure, leaving behind crumbs on my way so as to tread the same road to an unfinished life that I leave today, and if I find the same people I leave here today, the same problems I have with them today, the same complications that I go through everyday, I shall know that I have made it to the lands unknown that still remain unknown. The only known land for me is this, the one where I live today, where I wish regularly I’d not be here, I wish I had been in some unknown land, and yet I can’t live there either.
So I walk ahead following nothing but my instincts to complete my journey. I will be back soon; after all it’s not easy to survive in an unknown land forever.
Complications are not that bad after all.
How bad can friends be!

@zaidi